I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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