Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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