yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
