Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
