i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
