Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy

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  (248): just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy http://tfl.nu/dtdn
  Replies (17) Good night (5100) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.

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  (510): I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete. http://tfl.nu/ez0g
  Replies (13) Good night (8852) Bad night (745)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH

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  (516): I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH http://tfl.nu/3xpv
  Replies (16) Good night (4984) Bad night (1022)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.

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  (804): girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe. http://tfl.nu/ztj4
  Replies (42) Good night (10207) Bad night (1055)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...

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  (404): the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick... http://tfl.nu/wq21
  Replies (6) Good night (3369) Bad night (850)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."

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  (518): You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break." http://tfl.nu/3ss4
  Replies (11) Good night (4658) Bad night (979)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?

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  (918): did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat? http://tfl.nu/7nmi
  Replies (7) Good night (1196) Bad night (2598)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.

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  (508): Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated. http://tfl.nu/0bri
  Replies (18) Good night (4491) Bad night (909)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?

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  (619): Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened? http://tfl.nu/i6wm
  Replies (6) Good night (1743) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.

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  (330): Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette. http://tfl.nu/sax7
  Replies (7) Good night (795) Bad night (2574)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing

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  (413): I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing http://tfl.nu/ejfa
  Replies (9) Good night (1376) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.

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  (575): There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town. http://tfl.nu/m7kt
  Replies (4) Good night (1231) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom

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  (860): i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom http://tfl.nu/gild
  Replies (11) Good night (694) Bad night (2211)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.

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  (814): She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow. http://tfl.nu/dddh
  Replies (4) Good night (507) Bad night (1330)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son

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  (940): My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son http://tfl.nu/dvv1
  Replies (9) Good night (246) Bad night (793)

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