they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.