I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER