you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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