i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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