Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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