my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
