i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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