my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
