my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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