My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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