apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
