If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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