I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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