She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
