and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My vagina is officially offended.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
