if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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