but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
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He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
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Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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