what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
