all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
