Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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