i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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