11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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