Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize