That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
false alarm, still single
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
