The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
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Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
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Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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