The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
