He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
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He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
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He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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