I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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