I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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