a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
