woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I fill condoms, not promises.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
