when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
