Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
