Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
