I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
