I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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