2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
