i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
