out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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