Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
