she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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