just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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