I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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