Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
