i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think people are normalizing furries
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
