I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
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Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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