I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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