I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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