i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
