dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
