it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We had to coat check the pizza.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
