And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
