2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
