..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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