for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
